Forgive me for liking you too much, I’ll forgive you for not liking me enough. Forgive me for the loud racing of my heart, I’ll forgive you for not hearing it. Forgive me for finding you amazing, I’ll forgive you for never noticing. Forgive me for wanting to be with you more than anything, I’ll forgive you for avoiding me. Forgive me for being so pathetic, I’ll forgive you for taking advantage of it. Forgive me for not being able to let go, I’ll forgive you for never holding on.

thats all I have to say for now....I am just confused today.

shit.

....those were the last words that came out of my mouth. literally....well. okay. story time.

Went out to the barn to ride, just like any other day. saddled up my oh so dear horse....and took him out to the arena. Kaitlin Pittman and the girl I nanny, Madison, were with me and Kaitlin was riding Madison's horse, Tigger, and I was riding my horse Thomas. I get on, and this is where it all goes wrong. Mistake A: I didnt lunge him. He had already been out today, and he acted like he was about to fall asleep when we went out there. Mistake B: I wore my hair down. I never wear my hair down when I ride....ever. anyways. to cut this boring story short.......Thomas freaked out because the other horses in the pasture scared him and he tucked his head and started bucking. Like, bucking bronc bucking. I stayed on for a good 30 seconds......then fell...right on my shoulder. Could have been worse I suppose, but it still hurt like hell. Current situation is: Im sitting in Kirsten's house because....well because Im awesome like that. I cant move my left arm, and Thomas is tied in his stall, hopefully thinking about the naughty deeds he did. Stupid horse. Thats all. I will be going to the doctor tomorrow....hopefully I dont die before then :)

--Me.

You know, I dont know what the future may hold, but I know as long as I have good friends to surround me, family to support me, and enough money to get by...I dont really care. Living my life to be happy is all Im doing right now, and I absolutely love it. Im getting good grades for me, Im getting up and getting dressed and ready for me, Im being me, and no one else. I finally feel like I am who I am supposed to be, and I adore it.
Life lately seems like it has been spiraling out of control, and I have just been stuck in this endless twister of confusion....who Im supposed to be, where Im supposed to be, why am I even where I am. All the possibilities, the choices Ive had to make, they have seemed to overwhelm me. Finally, that twister has slowed down, I feel like Im back on my feet again. These choices seem easier to make, and life seems like its so much easier all of a sudden.
Ive been in and out of love, liked so many people, and spent endless tears on guys who werent worth my time. Im over it. I have wonderful guy friends who are better to me than any boyfriend Ive ever had. I dont need a man to make me happy, and when Im ready for one, God will put him into my life, and make this wonderful journey better than it already is. Too many times Ive seen friends, roommates, and people I dont even know cry over boys, and I dont need that in my life.
Jobs, money, it all seems so distant to me. Im doing what I wanna do, and thats all I care about. I also know that God will get me a job, in due time. It may be difficult, but I will keep trying and He will give me the right opportunity, in due time. :)
Life is good. God is taking care of me. I am happy. <3