Thanks.

I felt really bad for not getting around to tell everyone what I was thankful for over the month of November, but I figured now is better than never right?  I got to spend a wonderful holiday with my mom, my dad, my sister and my niece. I am so thankful for my family, even though they may be far from perfect, and we may be having some tough times, I can always count on my dad to be there when I need a good hug and my mom to be there when I need someone to talk to. My sister is always there with good advice and a good laugh when I need one, and Beka, well she is just Beka, cute and obnoxious but I love her anyways. 

Im thankful for my best friends, especially Jordan. We drove all the way to Afton on friday night (which is a half hour drive) so we could get our favorite snack, sour patch watermelons. They didnt have them in Thayne, so we decided it would be nice best friend bonding to go to Afton, and it was a pathetic, but really great little trip. 

Im thankful for the USU Greek System. I have met such wonderful people here at USU, I dont even know what I would do without them. You know who you are, and you have impacted my life more than I will ever know.

Im thankful for my sisters. As everyone knows, I have been having a really hard time this semester with everything I have been going through, and my sisters have been there every step of the way to be there for me when I am sad, or to make me smile on a bad day. They have also led me on crazy adventures and taken me on long drives for life chats. I dont know what I would do without these crazy girls, I love them so much!

Im thankful that God is there for me and still leading me on the path that he wants me to be on. Im so grateful that He never gives up, even on me :) 

Im also thankful for those who have taught me something I needed to learn, and then sortof...."exited" my life. These individuals have taught me things I could not have learned without the experiences we have shared together, and I thank them for being in my life the short time that they were. 

All in all, life is pretty great if you choose to look at it that way. I can't ever forget what I have going well for me, and no matter how bad it seems, there is a light at the end of the tunnel of any trial Im going through. 

Happy late Thanksgiving!

Photoshoot.

Can I just say, 

Sami Jo Shurtleff is the most amazing photographer ever.   

I love these pictures so much :)

and I just realized how much I rely on my horse and the barn to keep me sane, without it I dont even know what I would do. 

Its definitely almost August.

Well, as I said above, its almost AUGUST.

And I havent blogged since May. Thats really unacceptable, and if you are reading this Im sorry its been so long!

In that time...

I have turned 20 years old. 

Ridden on a plane for the first time. 

Gone to California with my favorite Alpha Chis.

Worked my ASS off. (Cal Ranch will be the death of me)

Boated.

Driven a Jetski for the first time.

Laughed so hard Ive cried with my roommates and sisters.

Cried myself to sleep slash bawled my eyes out in front of people (which never happens)

Ridden my horse many times :) 

Met new people, and found a new place that I think I belong.

Dealt with more drama that I ever wanted to, and broke friendships off that would never heal.

Healed many friendships that I am very glad I did.

Made a few bad decisions.

Made a few good decisions as well.

Missed my home so much it hurt, which I thought would never happen, because I hated Star Valley for so long, but all I have wanted this summer was the cool nights and the sound of irrigation sprinklers as I fall asleep...(Constant traffic is really not the same)

and oh have I done alot of thinking this summer. 

I had a really bad attitude about working for a really long time.  I hated(well...lets be real, still do hate) working at my job.  I love the people I work with, but constantly saying the same thing to people all day and standing there waiting to run things under a scanner isnt really my idea of fun.  I had to finally realize that I dont work because its fun, I work because I need the money...which really didnt make me feel any better either.  But really...what would I be doing if I didnt work?  Sitting at home, sleeping, being BROKE, and being bored out of my mind.  So the way I look at it, might as well get paid to be bored than sit at home and be bored right?  I get good hours, and most of the people I work with I love, so it all works out in the end I suppose. 

I have also been to so many weddings this summer I cant even handle it, not to even mention the amount of wedding invites that I got lately.  Geez. Its fantastic people are getting married, but really, do you have to make me feel like a loser?  Still very single, and no worries, it will probably stay that way for a long while, but still. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me because I am not married, or that I dont have a boyfriend.  So....heres my take on that.  After I took a step back to look at it, first of all...I have zero time for a boyfriend.  When would I spend time with him? By the time I do what I need to do for the day, Im ready to sleep.  Between Alpha Chi, Thomas, my jobs, and everything else, it really wouldnt even be fair to a boy(if he was to come along) to keep him waiting on me all the time.  Im completely okay with being this busy though, because I would rather focus on school and stuff anyways.  Alright. done with that rant.  

This summer has been a constant struggle with me to stay positive.  Although I know I can be a very negative person, I have noticed that and tried to turn it around.  I may not be very good at doing that yet, but hopefully if you give me enough time I will get better. 

I cannot WAIT to move back into AXO to be with all of my friends again.  I cant wait for school to start so I have classes in my new major, and I cant wait for Alpha Chi to start back up again so I have some structure in my life. 

This post may seem way scattered, but there will be more to come hopefully soon, I need to blog more. For now, this is all you get, my scrabbled mess of words here for you to read.  :) 

Summer!

Summer is finally here, but by looking outside or at the temperature you wouldn't know.  It has been cold, rainy, and pretty depressing.  My birthday is in a little over a week, and then it is JUNE.  

So...Summer...where are you???

In other news, Im all moved into my new apartment and I LOVE it.  I have my own room, full sized bed, and live with great girls.  We have barstools that are WAY too big for the counter, and our couches are the most uncomfortable thing you will ever sit on, but I still love our awkward little apartment.  Its kindof lonely because Im used to living with 22 other girls and now Im living with 3, but it will give me the time I need to recuperate for next year.  

I finally found a job I love! 

 I work at Cal Ranch stores, and for some odd reason I just kindof love it.  So working there 25+ hours a week has been just great, and has finally given me some structure to my day, if I didnt work like I did last summer, I think I would die of boredom.  The managers love me, and the girls that I work with cashiering are way fun.  Dealing with old farmers and married hicks couldnt really be better. :) 

Im hoping summer 2011 will be a time where I can really just appreciate life for what it is.  This is the first time I will be completely on my own, paying for my own rent, my own utilities, my own food, everything.  Im growing more independent, finally.  

Thomas is up in Logan with me, and I absolutely love it.  He really is the best thing in my life, and I dont know if I could love a horse more than I love him :) He is my absolute best friend, and its really funny how he knows exactly how I am feeling, or can tell me how he is feeling in an instant.  It may sound way strange, but its something I cant really explain.

Im also ready for summer 2011 to be the best summer ever.  It may have started out slow, but it will pick up, I have faith!  

Thats really all for now, I am off to actually get out of bed and go do something with my life.      

Giving Back

I just had the most rewarding experience happen to me, and its all thanks to Alpha Chi. Thank goodness Kylie woke me up this morning to help with A-Day, because I needed this so much. Alpha Chi has a booth out on the quad today, and I had to run back to the house and grab something because we forgot a banner.  I was walking past this girl, who kept look at me, but I didnt really thing anything of it.  

I passed her, but I heard an excuse me, and I turned around.  

Now lets just pause here for a second.  

If you know me, you know I dont usually respond to anything or anyone who isnt right in front of me, yelling at me, thats just my attention span.  But this time, I stopped and turned around.  

The girl started out by asking me if I was an Alpha Chi, and I said yes.  She then said "Thank you so much for what you guys did on April 8th, it really means a lot." (April 8th was AlphaTraz, where we raised money by putting people in our jail, raising money for domestic violence victims.   It took me completely off guard.  I then thanked her for even saying anything, and that it meant a lot.  She then said thank you, and I just looked at her, and said, you are welcome.  It completely humbled me, and almost made me cry.  First of all, this girl had the guts to stop and tell me thank you, which in and of itself is amazing.  But to know that what we did people actually noticed also made me so proud. It made me proud of my sisters, proud of my organization, and proud to wear the letters that I wear today.  It also reinforced that giving back always gives back to you, in some way or another, no matter what happens.    

Most of what I hear or see is people judging greeks. People saying that all we do is party, drink, and haze.  They dont see that we raise money for domestic violence victims, or that the fraternities hold dance parties to raise money for their various philanthropies, or that we were all at walk-a-mile, or relay for life. 

For all those people, Im so sorry that you feel that way.  Im so sorry that you will never feel the way I feel, or be proud of something so great.  Yes, we are elite. Because of the things we do, say, and learn.  

I am proud of Alpha Chi Omega.  Im proud that I picked such a fantastic organization to be a part of.  

And just keep in mind, all that it took was for one person to stop me and tell me two little words, for me to stop and think about how amazing AXO really is. 

:) Im off my soapbox now. but this week of hell ended fantastic, and Im so happy and ready for a fantastic weekend with some great people :)

I. Love. Being. Greek. 

Learning

I feel like the past month has been a learning experience for me. I have struggled so much with fitting in, and feeling like I have to be a certain person that I definitely am not.  My confidence has completely gone out the window, and I have been hurting because I feel like I am constantly never good enough.

I guess Im sick of trying to please people.  Thinking Im overweight, or a terrible friend, or that I cant do something.  

Sure, Im not the skinniest girl in the world. but who cares? If I want to change that bad enough I could.

So what if I don't have a boyfriend?  I am a complete person without a boyfriend.  I love myself to know that the right person will come along when I am well ready.  He will make an effort, and love me for exactly who I am, no matter what. 

I dont want anyone in my life that doesnt want me to be in theirs.  If you dont like me, thats fine.  I can find someone who cares about me more.

Im done not being good enough.  Im done being someone who has no self confidence, and who hooks up with boys just to make herself feel better.  I am only giving myself to those who deserve me, with friendships, relationships, anything. 

Im living this life for God, and he will lead me where ever he wants me, and for now, that is right here, flying solo, being exactly who I am, and going where ever He tells me to go. 

Loving life, so much.  and its only going to get better, just you wait and see:)

spring break 2011

after having every single plan I had fall through....I ended up staying in Logan for spring break.
First...I wanted to go to Cali. that failed.
then I was supposed to go to Vegas for the WAC...that failed.
Then I was going to go to Vegas again, also failed...yet again. (currently still trying to go actually, but I doubt that will happen)
But honestly, I dont know if I would trade anything for the spring break I had. Even though I didnt go on a cruise, or to Cancun, or to California, or even to Nevada I have still had so much fun, and its only a little over half over!
Cruising,
running around my sorority house because there is absolutely no one here...(which I love, no girls to clean up after, the kitchen is clean for once!)
Riding my horse
hot tubbing
staying up until the crack of dawn with my sisters and friends, just because.
Getting 2 hours of sleep for two nights straight, and the next day not being able to even stand up for long periods of time. (true story)
going to the Justin Bieber movie.
Laughing until I cant anymore.
I guess this spring break has taught me that you dont need all the bells and whistles in life to have fun.  You actually dont even need hardly anything.  Just your friends. :)